Everybody Lives!

Plane downed by birds in NY's Hudson river, all safe | U.S. | Reuters

Steven Moffat doesn't write plane crashes.

But if he did, he'd probably write the best plane crashes in the world.

Hitty Titty? Ping! Ping!

Germany hails 'bullet-proof bra'

A gem from the silly season, this one. German policewomen are to get special safety bras - though sadly the hack-hook "bullet-proof" is stretching the point... as it were. No mention of a danger of backfires on cold days, either...

I see re-makes of 70s hairspray ads as German crooks wonder, "Is she, or isn't she?" Obviously, the officer must respond with "D'ya feel lucky, punk?"

Of course, this is bound to stir up memories of killer Ursula Andress offing a mark with her norks back in the 60s. What a way to go...

A Right Jolly Old Elf

Karadzic 'worked as Santa Claus in Serb clinic'

Technorati Tags: karadic bosnia serbia santa beard criminal genocide disguise

Reality Top-Up

Pope visits Australia (Reuters):

"After a refueling stop in Darwin..."

This passed without further comment in the Reuters report. Disappointing, perhaps, but in one way you have to admire the writer for resisting such a hilariously open goal!

He Won't Do THAT Again!

U.S. acknowledges navy warning shot killed Egyptian | Reuters

Chalk up another coup for the U.S. Department of Bending Over Backwards to Fuck it Up.

Seriously - how hard can it possibly be to deliberately miss a moving target? Still, bonus points for getting the message across; once thus "warned", I'll bet the re-offence rate is remarkably low.

Hot Dog, Jumping Frog...

BBC NEWS | Politics | Hain under fire over think tank

You've gotta give credit for that headline; great meter. Hain under, fire over, think tank. A dancefloor hit beckons, methinx. To be played straight after "Another On Bites The Dust", with any luck.

Gunboat Diplomacy

Half A Miracle (But Hey, Who's Counting?)

BBC NEWS | World | Americas | US worker survives 47-storey fall

"If you are a believer in miracles, this would be one," Dr Philip Barie, a surgeon
at New York's Presbyterian Hospital.

Dr Barie seems strangely unwilling to add that believers in miracles should still plan on having at least two sons, just to be on the safe side.

Meanwhile, one hopes that the younger brother is lawyered-up in the celestial courtroom. After all - where there's blame, there's a claim, right?

Body Count

Best Foot Backwards

BBC NEWS | UK | Menezes police: 'We did our best'

Mr. McDowell might want to read that line back to himself, and reflect that "doing their best" involved shooting an entirley innocent man seven times. One shudders to imagine the consequences of their worst. In light of this revelation, perhaps we should be thankful that they were - apparently - on top of their game?

Home: Run!

NY baseball fan killed mother as team lost

I've never subscribed to "it's only a game" - sport is much more important than that. Perhaps not more important than Life & Death, as Bill Shankly famously opined, but as the extension of a collective ego and a means of non-lethal warfare, it clearly matters.

I'm supposed to be a New York Mets fan - although my loyalty barely extends beyond checking if they're winning or losing. When they lose - if I notice at all - my reaction is usually limited to "Oh, pooh!" Contrasted with this guy, I could be said to lack passion.

But I'm not sure it's fair, or wise, to report what is clearly an incidental fact of the case - that he was watching baseball - in a way that implies some culpability by the sport. I don't believe that Reuters seriously intends to float the notion that watching one's team lose can spontaneously transform any random individual into a matricidal maniac. Nevertheless, that's what comes across. There must have been other contributing factors heard in court, but we aren't told them. The fact that he was 25 and still living at home surely says more, for a start? It's lazy, sensationalist reporting, especially troubling as it comes from Reuters.

Meanwhile, the Rugby World Cup approaches, so perhaps I'd better stay away from my parents, just in case...

Spirit of '68... (1568)

Red Mosque disturbances - Reuters

In days of yore, it was a pretty fair bet that if students were being tear-gassed, it was for protesting that the regime under which they lived was too restrictive. Not any more, not in the New World Order. Now we can have students rioting because their country's government is not oppressive enough.

File that one under "Fear for the Future".

Driven to Distraction

Debora zu sexy f�r den Bus - Bild.T-Online.de

No, I can't read German either. But the jist of it is this; Lady with impressive rack sits down on bus, directly in driver's line-of-sight in his mirror. Driver asks lady to move as her attributes are distracting him and causing a safety hazard. Lady complies, but of course has a nice moan about being "humiliated" - though not humiliated enough to withold her name from the press, or to refuse to have a glamour shot taken for the website, of course.

Kudos to the driver for his honesty and presence of mind, sez I. Even more Ks to his employer, who supported his actions. It couldn't happen here, I fear.

Well, they gave Kissinger the Peace Prize...

Blair becomes Middle East envoy

At prime minister's questions, Northern Ireland First Minister Ian Paisley said: "I just want to say to the prime minister this one word: He has entered into another colossal task."

Which is the greater surprise? That Paisley thinks "he has entered into another colossal task" is one word, or that of the nineteen words in the entire quote, none of them is 'No'?

Meanwhile, we must all welcome Tony's new incarnation, impressed as we all are with his existing track record in bringing peace to the Middle East. I bet every child there is sleeping easier tonight.

Misssster Creosssssote

Snake bursts after gobbling gator

You could wait a whole journalistic career to write a headline like that. Leaving aside the amusing innuendo therein, this is still the funniest thing in weeks.

We hear so much about the intelligence, grace and nobility of wild animals, it's really good to see them do something reassuringly stupid now and then.

Plus of course, in terms of the natural justice of the food chain, it couldn't have happend to two nicer fellas...

Without Prejudice

No Deal Done With Iran - Blair

"...Tony Blair insists no deal was done to free 15 Royal Navy crew members."
- BBC

It is perfectly healthy for reasonably well-informed adults - or 'cynics', as Mr. Blair's gang like to call us - to suspect shady goings-on in the return of the British servicemen held in Iran.

What is not reasonable is for the BBC to attempt to make our minds up for us with the pernicious use of pejorative language, such as 'insists'. The clear implication is that Blair's assertion is being made in the face of the evidence. So far no credible evidence exists that a deal was done. Blair is entitled to have his words reported with a neutral 'said', until such time as his trousers start to visibly smoulder.

Perhaps the Beeb feel that this is their only recourse of protest in the post-Hutton climate? Understandable, perhaps, but ultimately no excuse for acting like just another two-bit rag.

That was no crisp packet...

Secretary General "Soooo Did Not" Soil Underwear - Spokesman

Mr Ban flinched and momentarily half-ducked behind the table before recovering his composure. Mr Maliki did not react.

In honour of the admirable sang froid displayed by the Iraqi prime minister in this incident, Whispers & Moans proudly nominates Mr. Maliki for the Nonchalant Dude of the Year Award.

It later transpired that the shell had exploded a mere 50 metres away. The cucumber-cool PM barely blinked! How hard is that?

It's regrettable that, by reacting as any sane human would do to a concussive blastwave invading one's personal space, Mr. Ban has now characterised himself as - in the parlance of international diplomacy - "a complete wuss". Personally, I wouldn't go within 1,000 miles of Baghdad, so I think it only fair to judge his wussness in the proper perspective.

Glad you're okay, Mr. Secretary General.

Breakfast at Holloway's

Jail for lonely-hearts conwoman

"Miss Gorightry! I protest!"

Now that is one bad case of "The Mean Reds"...

Not exactly Audrey though, is she? I can't think that Capote would have approved.

Spade = Spade

Ex-tyrant Murdered in Cold Blood

Did he deserve it? Hell, yes; in spades.

But if we're going to tolerate this kind of thing, the minimum requirement is to call it what it is.

Niqab Blocker Tory

Straw dislikes all Muslim veils, apparently.

Whoa, cue the predictable overreaction.

Let me ask you this; if I arranged a meeting with you, and then turned up wearing a mask, how would you react? Would you have a moment's patience if I told you that your request was "insulting"?

My local rugby club is considered perfectly within its rights to ask me to remove my hat when I enter the clubhouse. My hat doesn't even obscure my face. Perhaps next time I will make some noise about the offense to my culture.

Or perhaps I'll wait until I see a niqab wearer enter my branch of NatWest, and follow them in wearing a balaclava...