Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Barefoot In The Emergency Room

"Never do the washing-up without shoes."

This is my new motto. I intend to spread its wisdom far and wide. Don't make the same mistake I made, kids.

If you do, this will happen; you will drop a large, stainless steel carving knife onto your foot. By the same laws that make the Buttered Cat Array possible, it will impact point-first. Your kitchen floor will rapidly fill with blood. You will then face the indignity of having to summon an ambulance - or, if you're really lucky like me, two ambulances - to your home, to take you away to sew your foot back together, and in all probability drop you off at the Funny Farm afterwards.

I do have the consolation of having actually achieved a rather excellent shot - making a 2cm-deep wound just behind my toes without damaging any major nerves, arteries or bone. I am under no illusions that I could have managed such a feat of knifesmanship on purpose. At least two nurses asked while passing , "Are you the one who dropped a knife on his foot?", so I'm consoled to think that I've provided some amusement.

But now the anaesthetic is wearing off, and I'm hobbling around like some semi-clad plonker with a club foot, and looking forward to the prospect of a tetanus jab tomorrow. So heed my words, ye unwary - if you must wash up, steel-toed boots are the way forward.

My next trick; cutting my toenails with a scythe...


0tralala said...

Good golly, you silly clutz. Hope you're on your hooves again soon.

Also, avoid the hoovering ,too.

Spaceminx said...

You silly sausage Rob. Hope it gets better soon.

Will said...

Ouch. It hurts just reading about it. Hope it mends quickly.